Sick yet again...imagine that

Yes you read right...Matt is sick again. Not just with a cold but with ANOTHER sinus infection. I feel like a horrible parent. What am i doing wrong?? What is wrong with my little boy?? What can I do to make it better?? Is it something I'm doing wrong?? I feel like there is no end. He is always sick. We went to the Dr about a week ago and i voiced all my concerns. Matt was sick...he was puking...although he didn't have a fever i feel like that because he didn't have a fever our concerns were overlooked. They just told me he had a viral infection and that if it doesn't get better to come back in. Well that was pretty much my last straw. I've had enough with their office. I called his nutritionist and they said that he needs to come in again to figure out what else is going on with him. There has to be a reason that he has only gained 2 lbs since 9 months. He finally topped the 20 lb mark!! WOO HOO!! But it seems like such a small milestone considering everything. I don't feel hopeless yet. I know we'll get to the bottom of it. I pray every night that it doesn't get worse that it isn't something horrible and that my baby just gets healthy.

All any parent wants is for their child to be healthy. When Matt was born we already had things stacked against him but he triumphed and overcame. When he came home he was great that more setbacks. Yet he triumphed and overcame (with the help of medicine). Now my baby is sick all the time and i don't know what to do as a parent. I feel like I'm at the DR all the time. Matt has a PT appt on Friday for his walking just to re-evaluate how things are going and if there is anything else we can work on him with. On the 14th he has an appt with the nutritionist in Spokane to go over what our next option is with Matt. What the other possibilities as to what is going is with his poor little stomach or at least why is isn't gaining weight and why he is always sick.

I just want a healthy baby. I want a baby that eats like horse. Who isn't as heavy or big as 6 months old...yes my brothers sick month old is almost as big as Matt. I want a fat baby...a baby with rolls....one that you can pinch those fat little cheeks. I have a baby who always looks sick. Who has dark circles under his eyes when he gets sick (Ryan does too). He doesn't eat but two bites when he does eat. I want a baby who doesn't rely on 3 pedisures a day to get his nutrition. And if he happens to puke that up he doesn't want another so what am i to do with those lost calories....vitamins...nutrition.

On the 19th i will be going to Matt's Dr and giving them all hell. Seriously my child is sick...I'm in all the time and for what?? The run around. My child is sick...please tell me what is going on. Don't tell me its another viral infection....they always turn into something worse. I'm so tired i just want to cry. I want to hold my baby forever...keep him in a bubble so nothing else happens to him...so he doesn't catch anything else.

If i just know what is wrong i can work on fixing it. I'm at the end of my rope and i just don't know what to do.

But alas i think i do. I'm going to be the hard ass. I'm not going to take just a simple answer. I'm going to ask and if its not a viral infection what else could it be. I'm going to not take just a simple answer. I'm going to ask for details. To be fully informed. Something i have been doing but I've been putting my trust in the Dr's that when they tell me something the know what they are talking about and i should trust them. But i cant. I wont. I'm going to do whats best for my baby even if i have to go to 10 different Dr if that's what it takes. But the first step is to love my little boy...something i know how to do well.